Articles
Verbal Hit-and-Runs
If you have ever experienced a hit-and-run collision in your automobile, you know the frustration. Someone smashes into your car, either in the parking lot while you are inside shopping, while you are sitting at the stop light, or even while driving. The other driver speeds off without checking for damage or injury, and likely because he or she is unlicensed or uninsured, and they are not waiting around for a ticket. The frustration is there because someone is unwilling to take responsibility for their actions, and now you are left to, literally, pick up the pieces from something that was no fault of yours.
How would you feel if you found out the one who hit your car was an advocate for mandatory automobile insurance, but was uninsured? How would you feel if you discovered the offender was a traffic patrolman? I imagine your frustration and anger would be heightened because they are, of all people, ones who should have acted more responsibly. Instead, they have acted contrary to the very principles they have advocated and upheld and now they have acted hypocritically, to the detriment, and simultaneous lack of concern for, others. Regardless of the cause of the crash, they did not take responsibility for it, and have left you to (1) get the damaged, possibly unmovable, car off the streets, (2) get the car repaired, and (3) pay for all damages. Would you be upset? Of course, you would — and rightfully so!
So, how would you feel if you were on the receiving end of a verbal "hit-and-run"? What do I mean by that? You've probably experienced it:
In the midst of a discussion where everyone seems to be obeying the rules of civility and respect for one another, someone jumps in, bashes you and your "view," and then runs off without a care in the world for the damage they have done to feelings or relationships, [because of their thoughtless words], and they give no one a chance to hold them accountable for what was said. [This happens most frequently in online discussions, but it happens with face-to-face discussions, also.] In some cases, someone smashes you and your thoughts and, before you can respond or even point out the lack of love in their words, they hold up their hands and declare, "End of discussion. You just need to go back and read your Bible on this" — as if their loveless words have no need for accountability. They give no one a chance to point out the damage they have done by their careless words,
and are ready to "move on" before someone can get over the shock of the unpleasant words and put together their thoughts, give a reasonable answer to the attack, or more importantly, call out their lack of love.
And, like some of the scenarios we face in hit-and-runs on the roads, the feelings are hurt all the more when we hear them from ones we would think know better than to spew hateful words or speak without thinking they are accountable for their words: our supposed brothers or sisters in Christ!
Let us be absolutely clear on this: Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matt. 12:34-37). There are some important lessons about our speech that should not be missed in what Jesus said.
What comes out of the mouth is what is in the heart. I know of very few Christians who don't know this but, unfortunately, know many who seem to forget it when they speak. We are fooling no one when we tell others we are followers of Christ, but betray our hearts by what comes out of our mouths. When hateful, thoughtless words come out of our mouths, it means we have a heart problem! No amount of "I really didn't mean that" or "I was just kidding" will cover up or disguise what we reveal, by our words, to be in our hearts.
If we find that our words lack love, it is love we lack in our hearts; if others hear bitterness in our words, it is because bitterness is in our hearts; if it is condescension and arrogance in our words, it is because that is what is in our hearts. Our words will reveal our hearts to be good or evil, but we cannot claim to be good while speaking such things.
Our hearts — and words — will be either good or evil. Jesus pointed out a truth we all know, but often do not seriously consider: our heart is going to be filled with either good or evil — not both. We may try to cover up the evil with a good word now and then [or after we "let slip" some evil speaking], but the reality is, we have merely exposed what was there all along. James reminds us, “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless” (Jas. 1:26). Professions of faith — along with any positive influence — are far too often destroyed by our words! James reminds us, too, that with the tongue “we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so” (Jas. 3:9, 10). But it happens all too frequently!
We will give an account one day for every word we speak. This fact alone is reason enough for the wise writer to tell us, “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise” (Prov. 10:19). Far too many times, though, we "engage the mouth before the brain is in gear" and say something that should never have been said, and reveal ourselves as foolish.
Self-control is a life-long effort, and we struggle in some areas of our lives more than others — especially in our speech. Again, James reminds us, “If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body” (Jas. 3:2); this is where we most often fail. But here is some sound advice: Knowing this, it would be far wiser to work on our hearts first, and then speak only if and when we have ensured what is in our hearts is worth revealing to the world by our words.
Far, far, too many times — especially, as of late, when discussions are about political topics — even disciples seem to forget they will be held accountable for their words, and some very loveless, thoughtless, careless words are spoken in the heat of the discussion. Some brothers and sisters get so wrapped up in "winning" the political discussion that they seem to have no thought for the feelings of others who hear them, how it might affect others' view of them [the source of the unloving words], or whether or not their words even match with what the Scriptures teach us about our speech. “My brethren, these things ought not to be so”!
So, if you just feel you just have to say something, it might be wiser not to; if you still feel like you just have to say something, say it to yourself first to see if it is something you would want to hear, and in the way you would want to hear it. Be honest! We might find that silence is a better alternative than ruining potential friendships or discouraging others by what we learn later was not so important, after all.
Think before you speak! —— Steven Harper
